You Can't Focus Because You're Really Good At Not Focusing

I used to think I had ADHD.

I'd sit down to work and within five minutes I was checking email, then Slack, then Twitter, then back to email. Every single time.

Turns out I didn't have ADHD. I was just incredibly well-practiced at distraction.

Nobody teaches you how to concentrate. They just tell you to do it. That's like telling someone to run a marathon without ever explaining how to train.

You're Practicing The Wrong Thing

Here's what actually happens.

You sit down to work on something hard. Your brain goes "this is uncomfortable" and immediately suggests checking your phone. You check your phone. Your brain learns: when things are hard, we escape to the phone.

You do this 50 times a day.

That's not a focus problem. That's 50 focus training sessions where you practiced distraction instead.

I watched this happen with a client who couldn't finish building out their automation system. Every time they hit a tricky part, they'd "take a quick break" to check messages. Three months later, still not done.

The issue wasn't the difficulty of the work. They were training their brain that difficulty equals distraction time.

What Actually Helps

I'm going to be honest. Most concentration advice is garbage.

"Just meditate" or "eat brain food" sounds nice but doesn't solve the actual problem. Which is that you've spent years training yourself to be distractible.

You need to retrain. And that's boring and uncomfortable.

Here's what worked for me.

Stop doing two things at once. I know you think you're good at multitasking. You're not. Nobody is. When you're in a meeting, be in the meeting. When you're writing an email, write the email. Every time you switch, you're practicing distraction.

I started with something stupid simple. When I ate lunch, I just ate lunch. Didn't check my phone, didn't read articles, didn't watch videos. Just ate.

It was harder than I expected. My brain kept trying to add something else to do.

That's the point. You're retraining.

Notice when you drift. You're going to get distracted. That's fine. The skill isn't never getting distracted. It's catching yourself and coming back.

I'll be writing a blog post and suddenly realize I've been scrolling Twitter for six minutes. I don't get mad about it. I just close Twitter and go back to writing.

Do that 100 times and you get better at catching yourself faster.

Sit still for ten minutes. This one sounds dumb but it's brutal.

Just sit. Don't meditate, don't breathe in any special way. Just sit and don't move.

Your brain will come up with 47 reasons why you should stop. You'll need to check something. You'll remember something important. You'll get itchy.

Don't move. Sit there.

This isn't about relaxation. It's about practicing the skill of staying with something uncomfortable.

I do this maybe twice a week. It still sucks. But I'm noticeably better at staying focused on hard tasks now.

The Part That Actually Makes A Difference

Look, eating better food helps. Your brain needs fuel. Cut down on processed garbage and you'll think clearer. That's real.

Meditation helps too. Ten minutes of breathing exercises every day does something. I'm not great at it, but when I do it consistently, I notice.

But neither of those things matter if you're still practicing distraction all day.

The biggest change for me was simple. When I talk to someone, I actually listen instead of planning what I'm going to say next.

When someone on my team is explaining a problem, I'm not checking notifications or thinking about other stuff. I'm there.

After the conversation, I can remember what they said. Before, I'd be in a meeting and have no idea what we just decided.

That's not a memory problem. That's an attention problem.

It Takes Longer Than You Want

I wish I could tell you this takes two weeks and you're fixed.

It doesn't work like that.

I've been actively working on this for about eight months. I'm better, but I still catch myself getting distracted constantly. I still check my phone too much. I still drift during conversations sometimes.

The difference is I catch it faster now. And I come back quicker.

That's progress.

You've spent years training yourself to be distracted. It's going to take more than a meditation app to undo that.

But if you actually practice focusing, the same way you accidentally practiced distraction, you'll get better.

Start with one thing. When you eat, just eat. When you're in a conversation, actually be in the conversation.

See how long you can go before your brain tries to escape to something easier.

Then do it again tomorrow.